The Post I am Afraid to Post

3:32 PM

I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to write a post about this. But I know that if I don't write about it, then it will just become a distant, hurtful memory that I refuse to embrace. 

December was the most exciting month.  It was a Monday morning and I totally felt something strange going on with my body. So, of course, I took a pregnancy test (definitely not my first in the last 6 months).

I was so thrilled to see those 2 pink lines. My heart nearly burst out of my body. I was the happiest. 

I hastily bought Jane a "Best Big Sister" Tshirt. I wrapped the pregnancy test in a box and set it under the tree for Michael to open Christmas morning.

Then, the unthinkable happened and that sweet little baby I so longed for was no longer there. My body naturally had a very early miscarriage. I feel lucky enough to be spared the emotional and physical pain of having to give birth to an unhealthy child. I feel blessed that the pregnancy ended before it could've really even began.  I am surprised at how my first reaction wasn't anger, but rather gratitude. I felt thankful that the Lord allowed me to feel the joy of knowing another life inside me, albeit so very brief. I know that I will go on to have more healthy, beautiful children, and that Jane will get to experience sibling hood. I know that the Lord's timing is the most perfect timing. 
Of all these things I am sure.

Our family is embracing a new year and we are so excited for many things. 

Jane is turning 2 and I have already started planning all the fun festivities! 
My business is doing really well. My house have never been cleaner. And my kitchen has produced some seriously delicious meals recently. I am feeling so inspired and happy.

I love this family of mine. 
Thank you, Lord, for every one of them.

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