Bonjour, mamma.

Before you get too excited, I should let you know that I WAS pregnant, but am no longer. Just typing those words are so raw. There is really nothing quite like investing your heart and soul into a new, sweet life, then having it ripped from your hands just days later.  I want to document this time in my life so I can look back and say "wow, girl, you are one tough cookie. You can do anything." This is my second chemical pregnancy (very early miscarriage) within 5 months. Although I do not have the answers or the medical reasoning as to why this is happening, I do have a sweet, inner peace that is leading me to betterment and fulfillment. After having Jane, Michael and I decided we really did yearn for a large family. We knew Jane would be a great big sister and having a loud, full, happy home was something we welcomed. Looking back on the day I found out I was pregnant with Jane, I get angry with myself. I thought "wow, pre...

I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to write a post about this. But I know that if I don't write about it, then it will just become a distant, hurtful memory that I refuse to embrace.  December was the most exciting month.  It was a Monday morning and I totally felt something strange going on with my body. So, of course, I took a pregnancy test (definitely not my first in the last 6 months). I was so thrilled to see those 2 pink lines. My heart nearly burst out of my body. I was the happiest.  I hastily bought Jane a "Best Big Sister" Tshirt. I wrapped the pregnancy test in a box and set it under the tree for Michael to open Christmas morning. Then, the unthinkable happened and that sweet little baby I so longed for was no longer there. My body naturally had a very early miscarriage. I feel lucky enough to be spared the emotional and physical pain of having to give birth to an unhealthy child. I feel blessed that the pregna...

I told myself I would be more "on it" when it came to blog posts. I have fallen SO far behind. I don't have it in me to catch up for the past 6 months, so I will just pick up from where we are now :) It's the end of summer, and it's so, so sweet. The mornings are getting cooler, which means for frequent visits to the park & consequently, less time in the swimming pool. We did so much this summer. I never want to forget it.  Moomar & Pap Pap stayed with us for a whole month while they waited for the finishings touches of their new home. We had a great time with them. Lots of great dinners, good wine, and even better laughs. We had a fabulous vacation/work-cation in San Diego. Jane loves the busy streets of the inner-city. It really speaks to her outgoing nature. She really is that baby that invites strangers to crank their neck just in hopes of snagging a quick glimpse.  She is pure beauty and so much fun. Lately, her vocabulary is so vas...

J A N E 

For Jane's first birthday cake, I really wanted something that was large-crowd-friendly & of course, extremely delicious! I chose to stick with a classic vanilla cake recipe with a vanilla bean frosting. I researched a lot of recipes & decided upon Robyn Stone's recipe from Add a Pinch! I feel like the recipe is so spot-on with respect to richness, moistness, and density. I feel like the combination of butter & vegetable shortening render that amazing depth in flavor. Also, the buttermilk is what sets this recipe apart from many regular vanilla cake recipes. My advice would be to bake your cakes the week before the party, wrap tightly in plastic wrap, and freeze until the day before (or whenever you're ready to frost).  For the frosting, I ordered this amazing vanilla bean paste from Amazon.  Of course, you can substituent the vanilla bean paste with just pure vanilla extract, but it doesn't even compare in taste! You also wouldn't see ...

Jane, you are one-year-old today! Happy birthday sweet Jane Alexander. Your papa & I really love you. It's a crazy kind of love. It's like a love-sick thing.  It consumes us, body & soul, in the very best way possible. You do so many lovable thing these days.  We love the way you love others. You really do have a tender heart of gold.  We love walking into your room in the morning & hearing your sweet voice greet us with "mama & dada."  We love the way you nod your head in approval of raspberries, blueberries & bananas.  We love it when you give us "huggies" and wrap your sweet arms around us tightly.  The world literally stops in that moment. You are a courageous little cub, and you really continue to amaze us. You can do absolutely anything you want in this world. Papa & I promise to be here for you when the world fails you.  You will need love & support even when you think you do...